Comedy Corner

I will post anything funny that I write here, imagine as though you are an audience sitting in your seats in a comedy club listening to a standup comic because then you get a better feeling for the comedy.

So, let’s just say that by chance, you happen to be walking on the sidewalk on any particular street, and you see a man walking along the opposite side of the street. Now, imagine if you will, that you disregard this man and look forward, but you glance over again because this man seemed to be quite peculiar. And you notice that he is not walking at all, but instead, waddling (quite quickly I might add) down the sidewalk. Obviously, your first thought would be "What the hell is that guy’s problem?" You continue to stare and you realize his arms aren’t moving, in fact, they are grasping the loops of his pants so tightly, that you can literally see the whites of his knuckles. You then proceed to look at the man’s face and you see that he is nervous as all get out and sweat is just pouring down his face as he gives quick glances to see if anyone is watching him. And then you think again, why is he so damned nervous and then you see the back of his jeans. They seem to be sagging to an abnormal level and have stains, that from a distance, seem as though they are enlarging. And you suddenly realize that you have stopped moving and are standing on the sidewalk, motionless, mouth wide open, simply staring. The man looks back, catches you staring and proclaims at the top of his voice "What the fuck are you lookin’ at … just because a man drops a load in his pants doesn’t mean that anyone can just stare at him! Ya’ fuckin’ bastards!" And now imagine you are still standing there, watching the man continue to walk down the street, with you mouth still wide open. And then you think, will I ever be the same after this? How can I possibly lead my life without laughing my ass off every time I think of this event? And then you think, I bet he has a hard time getting any and you realize you are way better off than that guy. You are then relieved with the thought that in the giant scheme of things, the chance of inferior individuals reproducing is very small and you thank god for Darwin’s theory of natural selection because, boy, would we be in a mess if that whole thing didn't work out.

Streaming Tears

As I went running through the door,
I saw you crying there.
It broke my heart,
Hearing you sob.

You looked up at me,
Tears in your deep blue eyes.
You slapped my face,
And all I could do was stare right back at you.

When does sadness become depression?
When does happiness become absolute joy?
Only the good Lord knows,
And even his knowledge is limited.

Bring Me Back

As you slip away,
I feel the deathly cold,
Creeping up my legs,
And it sunk right into my head.

Blood shot eyes,
Look what you’ve done to me,
It’s been too long,
Gotta find one more hit.

It’s your fault,
You ran away,
Drove me here,
Now see who I am,
What you’ve made of me,
Bring me back,
Before the next hit.

Save me lord,
Now it’s too late …

*This posting is in no way endorsing drug use for people who are depressed, but I am endorsing drug use for all other occasions.

Another Fork In the Road

The winding road divides,
One north,
One south,
Which to take?

North is happiness with a hint of depression,
South is sadness with a chance of joy.
Is the weatherman wrong again?
Torn inside,
It’s not just another fork in the road.
Which is better?
Which to take?

I chose north,
In hopes of it being better,
I was wrong.
It was hell on Earth.

Turned around,
I was southward bound,
The depression hit me,
And then joy overwhelmed me.
Both emotions at once,
The confusion tore me apart.

I guess it was better,
Tomorrow is another day,
Another forecast,
Another fork in the road.

North is happiness with a hint of depression,
South is sadness with a chance of joy.
Is the weatherman wrong again?
Torn inside,
It’s not just another fork in the road.
Which is better?
Which to take?