Midlothian, IL - At 1:15 a.m. on Tuesday November 9th, Justin Walker was roused in the middle of the night by an ominous noise in his two story suburban home. He cautiously sat upright and listened for the faintest sound of footsteps in the house. “You have to be careful these days. Anyone can break into your house. You have to be vigilant. That’s why I keep a baseball bat under the bed.” Walker said. “And a loaded Glock 19 in my lock box”.
According to Walker, he then stood up and pressed his ear to the Brazilian cherry hardwood floor and listened very carefully. “Brazilian cherry hardwood is a great sound resonator. I can hear sounds for miles, or I guess in my case, from anywhere in the house.”
Martha Walker, Mr. Walker’s wife, stated that he returned to their Tempurpedic Queen mattress three minutes later unsatisfied. “He could just be standing still. Waiting for us to go to bed so he can spray paint the cats and murder us in our sleep.” Mr. Walker paused. “At least we wouldn’t feel it much. That is of course assuming that he isn’t a Jack the Ripper copy cat. Then we would definitely feel it.”
Pensive and holding his baseball bat, Mrs. Walker finally calmed him down a bit. “It was probably just one of the cats dear.” Unconvinced, he fell asleep quickly after stating “I am going to wait this fucker out .” Mrs. Walker was quoted the next morning as saying, “Justin is just a little high strung. He doesn’t even know how to use the Glock. Truthfully, I don’t know how he plans to use it if someone breaks in. By the time he got to the gun in the closet, remembered the combination he set three years ago, and opened the lock box, we’d probably already be dead.”
